


Secrets Never Stay Hidden

by halfhuman2214



Series: What's My Sexuality? [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Asexuality, Depression, F/M, Gen, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Sexuality, pansexuality, slight language warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:11:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2713445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfhuman2214/pseuds/halfhuman2214
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael has a secret, Ashton and Calum are clueless and Luke seems to be some sort of sexuality wizard.</p><p> </p><p>Some feelings are hurt, and acceptance is gained.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets Never Stay Hidden

He could hear the bed squeaking through the wall. What surprised him was that the noises appeared to be coming from Lukes room. Sweet little innocent Luke was having sex, a one night stand. It was official, Michael was the last virgin in the band. It’s not that he minded, because in a way kind of already knew, but it brought back the long forgotten feeling of being broken. Michael rolled over and dug around for his headphones. Drowning out the sounds with some Sleeping with Sirens.

Morning came far too quickly for Michael. Calum ripping the covers off of him just a few hours later. Michael groaned rolling over, shying away from the light. “Come on Mikey! Time to wake up!” Calum yells all too cheery. MIchael rolls away chasing sleep, already knowing that it was too late, he was awake. Calum seemed to know it as well because he left him alone after that.

The shower made him more aware of everything. Including how tired he was. He blamed Luke, and the person who was in his bed last night. Michael sat down glaring at his toast.

“What did the bread ever do to you?” Ashton asks. Michael glares at him instead. The fact that there was no holes in his shirt, meant he was trying to hide either scratch marks or hickeys. Maybe both. Michael moved his gaze on, not liking the feeling in his stomach. But Calum wasn’t a better sight, he was holding himself stiff. So even he got some. Michael groaned and dropped his head on the table. Ashton fucked someone, Calum got fucked, and Luke probably fucked someone as well (Michael actually didn’t know his preference in sexual partners). “I had to listen to Luke have sex.” He mumbled. The squeak Luke gave meant he was heard.

“Dude, that’s not fair.” Calum argues. “If you had gone out with us you would have picked someone up.”

“When have I ever picked someone up?” Michael defends himself, picking his head up. “I don’t care who you fuck, or get fucked by.” Calum squeaks and Ashton blushes. “Honestly, you’re teenage guys, you have needs. I just don’t want to hear it. A text saying do not disturb or something, and I would have got it. Anything.”

“Like you would think about others when you are about to get laid.” Ashton says.

“I wouldn’t…” Michael cuts himself off.

“Exactly. I’m sorry you had to hear it, but you just said you’d do the same.” Luke jumps in, his cheeks a bright pink.

Michael shakes his head. “No. I wouldn’t get laid.”

All 3 expressions soften. “Mikey, don’t say that about yourself. Plenty of people would want to sleep with you.” Calum says. He reaches across the table.

Michael pulls away frustrated that they think he is this insecure thing. “No. You don’t get it.” He shakes his head, mouth moving without thinking. “I’m asexual.” He pales and his stomach drops as he realizes what he just said. His bandmates are looking at him shocked. “Shit. No. No. No.” Michael gets up and practically runs out of the room.

Coming to terms with his sexuality wasn’t an easy thing. Where asexuality isn’t as openly talked about, Michael didn’t know much about it when he was younger. Instead he spent years thinking he was broken. It was a gradual slide. As the people talked more and more about sex, about what turned them on, he realized he couldn’t relate. Never feeling the need to sleep with a particular person. Even when he got a girlfriend he didn’t want sex. He had been raised to think (more like educated about safe sex) that sex was a natural thing that everybody experienced. He started to barely ever leave his room. Stopped interacting with people and focused on the ever growing feeling of being broken. It was a tough few years and the skin on the inside of his thighs still map out his battle that he had with his mind with white lines. In the end his parents cornered him, super concerned with how much he was pulling away. He told them he felt broken. He told them why, and they cried. All 3 of them did. But they set about the task as a family, slowly piecing Michael back together again. He stumbled across asexuality and he felt more whole than he had in a long time. He never came out to his peers or his band, fearing that they would judge him and kick him out. And really, without the band he would have nowhere to go, nothing to do with his life. Which with the cat out of the bag, he might be looking for a new line of work. 

Michael crawled into his bunk on the bus, closing the curtain behind him.

++++

The 3 remaining boys watched their band member run from room. The room is quiet as one by one they pull their eyes away from the doorway. “So what just happened?” Calum asks. Luke was looking down at his plate, thoughtful look on his face. Ashton was looking to Calum just as confused.

“I think… I think Mikey just told us he isn’t straight.” Ashton says slowly, trying to comprehend what just happened.

“He could still be romantically straight. He just doesn't feel sexual attraction.” Luke says looking up. “Romantic feelings and sexual feelings are two different things. Mikey simply said he was asexual, we don’t know his romantic feelings.”

Ashton and Calum stare at him. “Ummmm. What?”

Luke raises an eyebrow at them. “If you can be sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex, and you to people of the same sex, and if I could care less about gender, why can’t people feel no sexual attraction. And romantic attraction works the same way.”

“Are you like some sexuality wizard?” Calum asks.

“No, I’ve just done my research. I just didn’t peg Mikey as ace.” Luke shrugs.

++++

They walked onto the bus slowly, not sure of what they were going to find from Michael. The bus was quiet, Michaels curtain shut tightly. Ashton sighed pointing to it. The other two nodded, sitting down in the living area as the bus roared to life.

Michael lay in his bunk terrified and looking for flights home in the next city. He had already convinced himself that they were going to kick him out of the band on the grounds that he is too weird for them to handle.God how could he have been so stupid to let it slip. No one but his parents knew, and now the band. Soon the world will.

“Mikey? Are you hungry?” Ashtons tentative voice broke through his self deprecating feelings, and he didn’t know how to respond. They were offering him food that didn’t make sense at all. Ashton pulled the curtain back. “I know you’re awake. We don’t care about it. We won’t even talk about it if you don’t want to. Just come out and have some lunch.” Ashton sighed and walked back to the others leaving the curtain open.

Eventually Michael poked his head out of his bunk with a curious look in his eyes. He was yelling at himself internally to hide away till he could get a flight, but he needed to know if they meant the “we don’t care about it.”

Luke smiled at him softly and warmly. He was like a scared kitten, and that broke Lukes heart. In one confession the confident Michael had disappeared, leaving this Michael behind. Fear wasn’t often an emotion seen on Michaels face. Michael took the seat next to Ashton and was quickly pulled into the conversation about what would make a better pet.

++++ 

Hours passed, and Michael seemed to slip back into himself. But the loud thought of this is it, they’re going to ask me to go home was still there. Instead everyone said their goodnights and crawled into their bunks. Leaving Michael alone to fret about when and if he was going to have to go home. Michae sat out in the lounge scrolling through airline prices muttering “I don’t understand it.”

“What don’t you understand?” Calum asks sitting down next to Michael. He had been feeling guilty about starting the conversation that had Michael outing himself before he was ready.

“Nothing.” Michael says, locking his phone,

Calum sighs. “Mikey. I wanted to talk to you and apologise to you as well.”

Michaels mind was on a repeat of oh god oh god, this is it. He tried to beat Calum to it. “It’s okay, I understand. I’ll leave when we got to the next city that has an international airport.”

“What? Mikey. No.” Calum says. “I wanted to say sorry for accidentally putting you in a position you weren’t comfortable in.” Calums brow furrowed. “You thought we wanted you to leave?”

Michael nodded sadly. “I thought you would think my sexuality made me too weird to be associated with. I waited all day for you guys to tell me go home, we don’t want you anymore.”

“Oh Mikey.” Calum hugged him spouting broken sentences. “We love you. Stupid of us to want you to leave. Need you. Don’t go.”

Michael sniffed, holding back tears as he felt some of the darkness he let move back in slip away.


End file.
